What’s in a name?

You may find yourself asking this question. Let me offer you one answer: strength. When I think of courage and power in a child, I think of Belle Bradley. This amazing baby girl is fighting for her remission from Leukemia and she is kicking its tail. It’s no wonder she’s such a fighter as strong woman mom, Melissa, has certainly passed on those genes to her! This weekend, I ask you to join the Rhody Bloggers in a fundraiser for Miss Belle.

I wrote about what I’m running for this year, and this weekend what I’ll be sitting for in THIS post… I ask you: Join me. For starters our weekend will have an amazing raffle. Not amazing, blah… amazing like Red Sox tickets, wine, autographed books, appliances and MORE!

Photo from: Rhody Bloggers for Good

There will also be awesome brownies I baked and wrapped individually with love and care- using all of my Servsafe training and ALL of this:

While I hope to see you there, if you’re a reader from afar or simply cannot make the time (totally understandable!), I ask- could you please visit, share, and/or donate to THIS page? Let’s help make the focus 100% Belle’s recovery, and not the incredibly costliness of the cure.

Thank you.

AND LOCAL FRIENDS: I will be running a 5k with TnT for LLS on May 11th! We make posters for what’s called the Mission Mile. I will be making my poster to honor Belle. If you would like to join in, please contact me so I can get you poster board OR leave a comment here with what you would like me to put on my poster for her- a quote, a picture… anything!

Thank you for all of your love and support for Belle.

Listen to me roar!

This past weekend I was blessed to be a part of, hands down, the most empowering experience of my adult life. Listen to Your Mother auditions were this weekend… I don’t know that I nailed it, or even did well at all, but I do know that it meant more to me to just get up there and read my story in front of two of the most amazing womenbloggermoms I’ve ever had the good fortune to meet.

If you know me from college, you may remember the time freshman year I was speaking in my Honors English class. For some inane reason, I thought it was a good idea to pick my favorite poem that made me think of my Dad. I was reading Don’t Grieve For Me Now as my choice- My other favorite is Wasteland, but it’s SO long, I knew I would lose the class after line 3… I began speaking from the page in front of me, looked up, smiled, held up my index finger to signal them to wait, walked away from the podium to the glass door, picking up the wastebasket on my way out. I closed the door behind me and proceeded to vomit into the small plastic bin (thank God for trashcan liners). I pulled the bag shut, tying a knot, walked back into my classroom (where everyone looked like they had just witnessed a war), and finished reading. Complete with tears.

Suffice it to say: I am not so great at public speaking. With all the CPL (if you know what that stands for, you’ve been reading for a while) stuff going around, and news cameras and writing more frequently, I’ve become more comfortable in social situations where I don’t know many people, or anyone at all. I think my newer confidence may also have something to do with becoming a mother. It just makes one less inhibited and more able to speak up! In my 38 weeks of pregnancy and 36+ hours of labor, I had more people check out my body than one weekend in Virginia Beach in my late teens… and I looked GOOD then! Once you’ve shown it all, birthed life from your loins and actually want to do it again, I guess something inside mama says what’s next? and you better have something to offer that inner voice, before it gets too quiet. So, I let my voice rise and shouted from the roof of my mind! I wanted to share my story about learning of Addie’s dwarfism. I wanted to show people the softer side of me- the darkest moments of becoming a new mother, when your baby is in a hospital bed and there is nothing you can do… as well as the brightest moments, when your infant somehow offers you more comfort than you to her. And so, I shared an edited version of the first post on this blog called A is For Adelaide and Achondroplasia. Here is a little bit about the audition:

As I laid Addie down for her nap just moments before I had to leave for the Providence Library, I felt my stomach turn. No time to puke… I ran out the door and into the first car in the driveway- Dave’s Forrester. I pulled out into the road and was on my way. Holy crap, was all I could think.

I parked the car close to the library and put just 2 quarters in- a decision I regret- and walked into the grand building (where just weeks before I witnessed my friend, Tim, propose to his fiancée on just that corner where they shared their first kiss!!! SO ROMANTIC. And I digress). As I took the elevator to the third floor, I was repeating the mantra breathe to myself. I took the clipboard, as was noted on the sign outside the audition room, and filled out the requested information. After wringing my piece in my hands, Carla and Laura come out to get me.

I had no idea what to expect, I’d just recently learned about LTYM, and was excited that I was even chosen to read my submitted post from this blog. But their welcoming demeanor, and the fact that there was candy in the room, made it a much lighter experience. Earlier in the day I had gone on my first Team in Training run, and so I was able to resist temptation, but something about candy on the table (Angry Birds gummies?!) makes everything less formal.

I began to read. Somehow, I could not pry my eyes off the page. I was filled with self-doubt and mortified that I was telling these women, verbally confirming what I had written, that I had been scared of Addie’s diagnosis and that I was angry at myself. Then, a surge of pride ran through me- I was telling my story- a story felt by thousands who were afraid of the same things I was, and also too ashamed to share their stories. You might think that children choose their parents, as I do, but that doesn’t make the decision seamless. There are obstacles and hurdles one must maneuver and jump in order to cultivate relationships. These do not end after a certain stage in development, this is life. This is the work it takes to make a marriage flourish and parenthood so rewarding. Things don’t happen to those who do not make them happen for themselves! There is no shame in admitting that sometimes it’s hard to do it all. We ask for help, we shed a tear, we learn to love- everyday.

I tried to pull my eyes up to my audience of two, praying that they would enjoy my piece, choose me to share with my community and to not cry. My eye contact was terrible and the knock on the door threw me for a loop, but I did my best, and I cannot ask myself for more. I did not throw up, quiver, cry or make excuses of why I could not go. I think I did great! I am not a public speaker- yet- but I am just 28… I have at least 100 more years of good living in me.

I regret the 2 quarters because I could not pry myself away from Carla and Laura, and we ended up talking long enough for me to get a $25 ticket! Oops!  When I got home, Dave just smiled about it- it’s my first ticket since we bought the house (we used to get them randomly when we lived in the city)- he was so proud of me for completing my goal. When Dave hugged me, I knew I had already been chosen. Whether I read or not in the show, I’d been chosen by this man to be his wife, to mother his child(ren) and to have him stand by my side.

Using my Feet

Is anyone else having a hard time focusing? It’s hot, it’s cold, it’s warm and rainy or sunny and snowing. What is happening?! Beyond the weather driving my headaches to the breaking point and my dog to chase his tail- I am ready to battle the out of doors: FEET FIRST!

This Spring I was certain I would have a few half-marathons lined up… alas, they are both expensive and time consuming and with my milk supply already dwindling with each extra mile I push myself, I can’t risk too much training at the sake of my darling Adelaide. And so… I have banded together with some awesome people to run, walk and sit for some things that are close to my heart- literally.

The two events I have coming up mean more to me than most would understand. I speak of my father often; a man dying too young, leaving his wife and four children far too soon. I like to imagine him coaching my little brother in ice hockey up there in the big blue sky, instead of deep in the ground. What I hate to imagine more, is Addie losing her Daddy to cancer, as I lost mine. That is a story which I’m sure I will tell time and time again, as April 21^st passes every year- no matter how hard I will myself to sleep through it. What you might not know, is that my cousin Allyson will be 18 forever. After a battle with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, she lost her life at Bowman Gray Hospital in North Carolina. That was 17 years ago. There are stories that have been told about the events after her death. How hard it was for my aunt to lose her only child, and right after her high school graduation. How everyone felt so alone- lost in their own thoughts and afraid to ask those around us if they were OK. None of us felt OK. Sometimes, we still don’t. There is much to be told about the loss of a child, but not much you want to say. We will always love you, Allyson. You and Jonathan are my guardian angels.

My baby brother and my cousin, Allyson

Fast forward a few years from tragedy. My Mom was reinventing herself. She’s always been amazing, but now she was ready to take it to a whole other level. She was ready to be a runner. She signed up with Team in Training in Philadelphia and did 26.2 miles (a full marathon!) in Disney in 2001. Yeah, she’s amazing and inspiring. So inspiring that when I saw a TnT mailer on my dining room table in 2010, I immediately checked off the box that coincided with the informational meeting I was able to attend. Hearing the past participants talk and meeting the coaching staff was amazing. Coaches I would get as a bonus for running!? Yes please! I had already run my first half- a pitiful display in Philly’s ING Rock ‘n Roll.

Worth-women running!

It was hot and I was fresh off cigarettes… and it showed. That was September 2010. I wanted my next display to be amazing! So in May of 2011 I ran the Cox Half Marathon with my new teammates. I loved every mile! I knew I would sign up for more.

The next Team event I ran was the inaugural ING Rock ‘n Roll Half Marathon in Providence. In August. Being what Rhode Island is (Hell), the weather was terrible, but it truly reflected my spirits. I had just had a miscarriage and was still feeling pretty terrible emotionally. I had not trained since the morning of July 22^, 2011 when I woke up and I wasn’t part of that longed for group of expectant moms anymore. Those weeks I had sat there, waiting for my doctor to call and tell me that there was a mistake, were just weeks I was not training. I laced up two days before the race for a short run and I was badly winded. None-the-less, I gathered up what was left of me, and put on my purple shirt for the race.

My favorite part of Team in Training is the camaraderie. There are people EVERYWHERE that yell “GO TEAM!” as you run past. You know what? They’re cheering for you! I love this sport, but more than anything, I love taking part in it as a member of TnT.

As I ran the umpteenth hill Providence threw at me, I came up on another purple shirt. He was not someone I had trained with. Chris was from another group, but he was one of my kind! We met up with each other as the hill seemed to gather all it had to keep us stationary. Suddenly, back and forth, we began to encourage each other. We made it to the plateau, and we ran the rest of the way together. Chris’ mom (insanely beautiful from her pictures and one of the most special women I’ve ever heard about) had recently passed from cancer. Chris was running for her. He was going to finish this race because he had to. We all have to do what we have to do to make it through what life hands us. I felt like I was losing my grip on happiness, so I ran. Chris had lost the most amazing woman most men ever know, so he ran. And us? We ran together. We ran though shallow breaths, each gasping for air we thought might not come. Yelling out encouragement as we passed the mile markers, we would tell the other to go ahead, but neither one budged from the other person’s side. We chose to tell each other stories of our loved ones past, and I told him I’d recently lost a pregnancy. A total stranger, Chris looked at me with his big brown eyes like he was trying to take some of the pain away for me. Running in purple led me to meet a friend I will always cherish. He may be a New Yorker and like the Rangers (lame), but this Flyers’ fan still thinks the world of him.

And that leads me to my first race post-baby: Cox 5k. How does one go from 13.1 miles to 3.1? They have a baby and take a year off. That being said, I am SO happy to be back in my purple shirt! As with every season, there is an honored patient. I am proud to run for them, but I choose to honor my own hero. She goes by the name of Belle. Please read about her HERE. I immediately broke in two when I heard she was the daughter of a fellow blogging mama right here in my (now) home state. I knew I had to lace up again to try and fight this battle to win this war- to find a cure for leukemia. And so, I will be running my 5k on May 11, 2013. I have a fundraising page HERE, but I’ve already met my goal. While I encourage everyone to keep donating- everything over the goal is just a bonus for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS) and runners like me love over-accomplishing our goals, but I’d also like you to consider making a donation directly to Belle and her family HERE.

This past weekend I had the honor of meeting Belle. She was the first to greet me at the door of another friend’s birthday. Her beautiful face is what struck me. Hiding behind her full cheeks was a smile that swept across her face as she ran to her equally stunning mom, Melissa. At this event I got to talk with Melissa, who is both mentally and physically strong. Sometimes we say someone is strong because there isn’t a better adjective to describe their character. In this case, this woman is breathtakingly strong. Her ability to keep calm and positive, even on the bad days encourages me to tie my darn sneakers, plug  in the treadmill and spend nap time running- I can always shower later. Belle needs me to run, now.

For the next few years of Belle’s life, she will fight the ultimate war within her own body. I ask you to help me however you feel comfortable, to donate what you can to help this cause. Donate, blog about, share on social media sites. What can you do to help? Team in Training, Sit-a-Thon or check out this event the Rhody Bloggers For Good are hosting:

Lastly, my amazing blogging ladies (myself included) will be walking for the American Heart Association. So many of us women don’t remember  our tickers, and often, we are the ones who have undiagnosed heart conditions. Our team is HERE. I am so excited to participate in this event! This is our mission:

Imagine the impact if we reduce death and disability from cardiovascular diseases and stroke by 20% by 2020! Our team is joining the American Heart Association’s Heart Walk to promote physical activity to build healthier lives, free of cardiovascular diseases and stroke. Please Join Our Team! Help us reach this lifesaving goal!

Thank you for joining me in my Spring of He(alth)(lping Others)! My plate is full, but I am so thankful for each bite. Or in this case, step!

Chelley Who?

Sometimes I forget that I wasn’t a mom 5 months ago. And that I wasn’t pregnant 38 ½ weeks before that. In fact, I ran a half marathon before I knew I was pregnant (again), and I ran the CVS 5k with Addie! And so, with my forgetful mind, I was blown away when I was sitting outside T’s in East Greenwich with Addie, and someone did a double take at me, then said, “You’re that runner.”

I’m that runner?
“Me?”

“You run for Team in Training, I follow you on Twitter, you had a baby- that’s your baby! She’s beautiful! Congratulations!”

This woman was shocked to see me? Shocked she recognized me? I’m not sure, but if she was surprised… I was blown away.

I love my princess. My whole world is my baby girl, my handsome pup and my amazing husband. But, I remember the days when “it” was all about my Asics and iPod. Lacing up and sweating it out. A time when looking at the scale and seeing 144 wasn’t a sign of progression, but regression. Walking 2 miles would never be acceptable. Where the sweat on my brow was actually sexy.

There was a time when I wasn’t a mom. I was a runner. I wanted to inspire people. I wanted to save the world!

And then I was.

I love my life, but to be recognized on the street for being that runner? Well, I not only love my life now, but I love where I’ve been… and I cannot wait to see where I go.